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What Your Swimwear Says About You

A Run-Down on a Few Classic Attributes of the People Who Wear Different Kinds of Swimwear

By: Logan RossDate: 2022-06-15
Various product shots of men's swimsuits against beach background

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Believe it or not, you can tell a lot about a man by his bathing suit. Whether he’s at the pool, at the beach, at the cottage, or anywhere else you might find him flaunting his favourite pair of swim shorts out and about, a man’s choice of swimwear says a lot about who he is.

While we’re never ones to judge, we have noticed a few common themes among the men who gravitate towards certain types of swimsuits – and regardless of whether our conclusions are accurate or not, we’re going to tell you about them anyway. Here’s how we see things.

Three solid-coloured men's swimsuits against beach background

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The Standard Solid Shorts

It’s hard to argue with guys who prefer the standard solid option when it comes to swimwear; and by ‘hard to argue with,’ we literally mean exactly that. These gents operate by the books – the type of swimmer who would never dream of executing the backstroke with anything less than perfect Olympic form. The lanes are out and it’s swim time, baby, and that’s exactly what he's come to do.

Three patterned men's swimsuits against beach background

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The Overtly Patterned Pair

As comedian Mitch Hedberg once put it, “Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want to eat 2,000 of something.” In our eyes, the same sentiment applies to the fan of overtly patterned swimwear. Once he's found a motif that resonates with him, he says PRINT IT. That kind of commitment is hard to find these days, so what better time to show it off than when your beach-bod is also conveniently on display?

Three vibrant and patterned men's swimsuits against beach background

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The Bright and Vibrant Number

The term ‘attention-seeking’ comes with so much baggage, and so does this profile of swimwear enthusiast. If he doesn’t get the looks he so deeply desires with his neon greens, he’ll be more than happy to try his chances with one of the other hundred pairs of vibrant shorts he’s packed for his all-inclusive cruise to the Bahamas. We love these types of guys because while they certainly get up to their fair share of trouble, they’re never hard to track down.

Three board short men's swimsuits against beach background

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The ‘Board Shorts Never Went Out of Style’

We get it, not everyone sitting out in the sand has the same desire to tan up their post-winter pasty-white thighs as us. Some men actually take pride in their Australian Farmer’s Tans (like our version of the Farmer’s Tan, but down under). To those gents, we salute you and your undying faith in the elongated hemlines of board shorts, no matter if you’ve ever stepped on a surfboard in your life before or not.

Three men's swimsuits with tailored details on waistband against beach background

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The Sartorially-Inspired Suit

Swimwear styled with classic tailoring details like metal waist adjusters, front-tab closures, and even buttoned back pockets have seen a sharp rise in popularity over recent years, suspiciously following the mass Working From Home movement. We might be getting a little ahead of ourselves here, but perhaps this sharp incline in sartorially-inspired swimwear is pre-empting the next mass movement – Working From Pool. Don’t believe what everyone else says – the wifi’s great and the screen glare is negligible out here!